I’m about to share a very personal life story with you and I’m not completely settled on it. But, the reason I feel led to share this story with you is because I know that someone out there has to feel what I feel. There has to be someone out there going through something similar. So, here goes nothing.
For those of you who know me closely, you know that I’ve been in a serious relationship with a guy for about seven years now. This was the guy who I thought was the love of my life. We were supposed to get married, get a house, have babies, do the whole thing. Until a few weeks ago. Do you ever feel God telling you something that you don’t want to hear, so you cram it in the back of your mind hoping that it will never rear it’s head? I sure do. This is where I was at a few months ago. I could feel God telling me it was time to let this one person go. I didn’t want to hear that, so for a long time I tried to keep it tucked away hoping it would disappear. I hoped God would forget about what He was telling me to do. (Because that always works out so well.) You know how some people are in your life for a season? I’ve never felt the weight of how true that is until right now in my life.
Of course, I’ve had people I care about walk out of my life for one reason or another but never to this capacity. This is someone I saw a future with. I was sure this person was “the one.” It got to the point where I was even praying that God would change His mind. Maybe He hadn’t thought it through all the way? (Isn’t that a laugh?) But, what I realized is that I had grown comfortable with my life. I had become unwilling to go where the Lord led me because I was obsessed with staying in my comfort zone which was with this person. I had become settled in my cookie cutter plan for my life that I had created all on my own. Yes, I had included God in my plans, but the problem is He was only an add on. I had designed God’s plan around my comfortability.
If you’ve been following Jesus for a while you know that He’s not a fan of comfort zones. In fact, He calls us out of our them daily. For so long, I had been ignoring His nudge for me to move in a direction where I wasn’t sure of the outcome. Once I did take a leap of faith and end the relationship with this person it was uncomfortable. It’s still a little uncomfortable if I’m being fully honest. I haven’t been just Annie for seven years. I don’t even know what it means to be an adult on my own. (On the other hand, shout out to all you high school sweethearts out there who made it through. That’s rare and hard work and I applaud you.)
I have to tell you, over these past few weeks I’ve been able to taste how sweet it is for it to be just Jesus and I. I’ve grown so much closer to Him, and I can’t tell you how refreshed and relieved it has made me feel to be obedient. I have so much more hope for the future than I did before. If you are single and yearning for someone, I want to encourage you to enjoy this alone time with Jesus. He’s going to use it to grow and prepare you for what (or who) is next. All the while make sure you’re praying for the someone that He has for you.
He has you here for a reason and nothing is ever wasted. He uses every bit of every moment, memory, regret, hurt, disappointment, and happiness for good. Run hard to Him because He has never once stopped pursuing you. Let Him be the example of what a relationship with an earthly spouse should be and when the time is right He’ll send you that person. I for one have never been more excited to flourish where God has me planted than right now.